ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR SPIRITUAL GROWTH
For those who live in the North Bay area of San Francisco, I'm going to have a Facilitated Practicum in my Santa Rosa home workshop space and Online through Zoom on Wednesday, October 25th from 6:30 to 8. Mark your calendar for practice, camaradiere and support. Cost is $30. Please let me know by October 23rd if you'll be attending. This will be for Basic, Advanced and Dig Deeper levels. For more information, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org
ACCREDITED THETAHEALING WORKSHOPS
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Dig Deeper October 14-15
Basic November 10-12th
Manifestation and Abundance, December 9-10
BLOG FOR THE SOUL
Quote for the Month: Today is your day to paint life in bold colors, set today's rhythm with your heart-drum, walk today's march with courage, create today as your celebration of life.~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie
This is the continued version of my post on the Moving Beyond Abuse Facebook page adding in a bit of what I had written from there to create some continuity. https://www.facebook.com/movingbeyondhealingtrauma/posts/2009795402378986 In this being a more lengthy blog than what I normally write, I figure that it's ok to allow a dynamic story to run more than a few paragraphs.
Today is the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur, the day of ‘atonement’ (amends with God by means of repentance and confession of one's wrongs). I haven't connected with it since I was 19 years old. I hated the holiday.
In a ‘modern’ orthodox Jewish Sunday School starting at 7 years old, I was taught by a rabbi that on Yom Kippur, God would decide whether we lived or died according to our sins, as it would be written in the Book of Life.
Each fall for years, I thought that I would never make it past that holiday as God would know how bad I was. It was a pervasive inner voice who would remind me. I felt it must be right though I had no idea why.
I smile, now, thinking that my precious inner child had nothing to do with the abuse that occurred towards her; and all that she took on is now healed.
I particularly live in peace knowing that the rabbi who told me this and sexually abused me for years (plus much more), died under very divinely synchronistic circumstances. This was connected to a courageous action that I stepped into.
In 2011, I was having many memories about a rabbi who had abused me, particularly near the time of my Bat Mitzvah (13 yr old initiation for girls into womanhood). I couldn't remember the name of the synagogue or the rabbi, but remembered the name of cross street. Through a websearch, I discovered the place and emailed the synagogue to find the name of the rabbi.
A few days later, an email arrived with his name...Rabbi Jacob Max. This was the name which showed up so many times in other abuse memories going back 20 years. I hadn't remembered, though, that he was the rabbi at this particular synagogue because my prior memories had shown me that there were other synagogues where he officiated.
While using the search engine, I also saw that in 2009, Rabbi Max got a suspended one-year prison term and one year of unsupervised probation for abusing a female funeral worker… though many other women stepped forward.
I just thought, "Wow! He was found out...partially."
The story goes much deeper.
A Jewish film festival was occurring in San Francisco in 2011 at the same time as my memories were resurfacing about Max. An investigative reporter, Phil Jacobs, from my childhood area, was in San Francisco (only an hour from me now) presenting a documentary film made by his friend, Scott Rosenfelt (executive producer of 'Home Alone' and 'Mystic Pizza') about himself… and Rabbi Max.
Phil had attempted to expose Max along with other rabbis around their sexual abuse activities. At the time, I had no idea this film festival was even happening, thus the synchronicity.
But there is more!
In contacting Phil, I found we had many similar childhood connections. He had been abused as a teen by a prominent Jewish figure as well.
He had also been ostracized by the Jewish community when he broke the story about Rabbi Max. He moved away from the area to work with another Jewish magazine in Washington DC.
After I spoke with Phil, I decided I was going to call the synagogue that night to speak about my experience in what happened with Max. I can be very tenacious when it comes to standing in my truth.
I called on Monday 8/7/11 at 7:30 PM ET thinking a secretary or rabbi would answer if anyone was there. But a man with a thick Hebrew or Russian accent picked up the phone.
Not knowing who he was, I told him that horrible things happened to me when I was a child with Rabbi Max involved. I wanted to talk to someone about it. He quickly and gruffly said that it was a long time ago, that he can't help me and abruptly hung up on me.
I immediately called back and attempted to stop him from his dismissive and rude behavior. I asked if he was the rabbi, and if not, could I talk to someone who would listen to me. He repeated himself adding that he wasn’t the rabbi, he can't do anything about it, and to leave him alone. Then he slammed the phone down again.
The following Tuesday, I shared this incident with Phil, who had finally returned my phone call from the week prior. He had been triggered by our conversation, and it took him a week to follow up.
Something must have connected when I told him about the man in the office, because he remembered to tell me that Max died the prior week.
Auspiciously, it was the same evening I called, around 1.5 hrs later. Phil said that Max had a stroke at around 9 PM, and it was reported in the papers that he died the next morning.
Whoa! Did I actually speak my truth to Max before he died?! Did my truth somehow create his transition?
I started shaking.
I thought there had to be some sort of connection.
Phil didn't think so; and he refused any further communication with me when I shared some of my history in that conversation. He cut me off of his FB and refused to answer any further emails.
I felt it interesting, in buying and watching the documentary, ‘Standing Silent’, the one that played at the San Francisco Jewish Film Festival, how much Phil emphasized the importance of breaking the silence, the cultural taboos around abuse, and to get supported. But he obviously couldn’t go there with me.
Some truths bring up issues that others feel too overwhelmed by; or possibly because they might have been involved and it’s not conscious yet. But that would be their journey to pursue if they trust the process.
Fast forward to three weeks ago.
I was writing the FB post for September 29th, and I decided to investigate more for this blog and my own personal reasons on this situation.
I emailed to get an appointment with the present rabbi of Moses Montefiore synagogue I had attended, the one where Max use to be rabbi until 2007. I didn’t go into details about myself except that I wrote two books on the healing of abuse and that I had questions about Rabbi Max. I wanted to find out who slammed the phone on me in attempting to protect him.
In the 4 day lag time that it took for this younger rabbi to finally respond to my email, he was open enough to give me his number to call, the same one I already had from 6 years ago. When I got through the next day and asked the same question, he said that he didn't know who it was…no idea! I wondered why he didn’t say this in the email.
The call was short. He didn’t ask what were the circumstances around my connection in calling the synagogue’s number years prior. He didn’t seem that interested. He wanted me to have questions prepared, but he didn’t ‘seem’ to know anything. He wanted to get off quick because he was busy preparing for the Sabbath. When I asked if I could call him the following week when he wasn’t busy, he told me tenatively not until after all the high holidays were over…4 weeks later.
In sorting out what happened after, I wondered again how some mystery man could pick up a phone in the rabbi's office without anyone knowing who it could be especially with the accent. I wondered why this rabbi seemed to allow others to use his office after hours without needing to know who they are. I wondered why he was so sure it wasn’t Rabbi Max who answered my call if he had ‘no idea’ who it was. I wondered why he didn’t ask anyone in his office who the person might be. I wondered if he was covering things up for the man who acted so rudely and disrespectfully.
Even though Max is dead, the abuse in the community where I grew up is still going on…big time. Further research has shown me this along with my intuition. A former Rabbi at that synagogue said in an article in 2010 that Moses Montefiore had come to be viewed, "as a congregation that protected and covered for it's revered rabbi". How many more have protected their 'religious leader'? Each rabbi who minimizes, negates, hides it, is complicit.
So this time, I decided to really ask Creator if the man was Max and listen deeply. I heard he wasn’t.
BUT he was someone who knew Max, knew of me, and reported my call to Max. The orthodox community is closely connected, and for many, in very insidious ways.
The abuse that I lived through would not be something Max would want to stay around to face in any way. He got the message, thus he died shortly after.. There indeed was a connection.
I asked a few friends to connect with Creator, and tell me what they heard. It was very similar.
It is a blessing to know that even though I was disrespected and negated that August evening in 2011, justice had been served in a very divine way. Rabbi Max’s death stopped another child from being hurt by him.
For many years now, I haven't adhered to anything around Judaism including their holidays. I do have forgiveness in all that happened. I also accept that others find comfort and celebration in seeing things from this cultural and religious perspective.
Today I live in the spirituality that my healing brought forth, that freed me from the unconscious repression, beliefs, patterns that I unraveled, and allowed truth to prevail over the secrets, lies and deceptions of others.
Today I live in my book of Life, Light and Truth through All-That-Is.
In gratitude in how life unfolds,
I extracted possible ‘theme’ beliefs from the story. Energy test yourself for them, practice clearing them through digging if applicable, and use Creator's teachings, including the ones below, if they fit.
Beliefs (check the dual ones too):
*The Truth sets us free.
*The Truth keeps me bound in fear.
*Creator works in every aspect of my life.
*Creator stays separate from me due to my badness.
*I trust the events of my life to unfold in synchronistic and divine ways.
*I am doubtful of the way events unfold in my life.
*I take responsibility in how I lead my life
*I blame people when I don’t get my requests met.
*Creator’s truth can be heard and known by me.
*Creator’s truth is difficult to hear or know.
*I have the courage to speak my truth even if I’m afraid.
*I hold myself back when I know I need to speak my truth.
*My tenacity motivated by my passion for truth.
*My tenacity is motivated by fear.
Helpful Creator’s teachings/downloads
I know what it feels like to, how to, when to, that it's possible, that I can, I do (or I am/am able to be):
*To feel safe with The Truth that I experience through Creator
*To act from The Truth that I experience through Creator
*To see Creator’s spark in every aspect of my life and body
*To be able to recognize the events of synchronicity in my life and trust them.
*To take responsibility in how I lead my life.
*To know the difference between blaming another and informing another of my actions around their behavior
*To access and use my courage to speak my truth through All that Is
*To be tenacious in my passion for truth
*To be safe to be tenacious in my passion for truth
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